Extreme Adventure Band Tour Booking Company:
we’ll book your tour in the craziest countries.
The more recent the war, the more fertile the ground.
There are people out there who have never heard sound,
and they’re going to love you and your western ways.
They’re going to love your exotic face,

and we’ll book your tour. There are only three rules.
The first is that it’s not a business, it’s cool!
It’s just us and our friends traveling the land.
The second rule states that you must have a band,
and it doesn’t matter if you sound normal.
The only requirement is that you perform it,

and the final rule is you must keep it secret.
Don’t tell all your friends, ‘cuz if everyone does it,
then it won’t work and we’ll all just be tourists,
like some kind of nomadic lost psycho leeches.
So do what you must and go where you feel,
but don’t make it out to be such a big deal,

because touring just isn’t really sustainable.
All of this fun isn’t widely attainable.
We’re an invasive species coming out of our greenhouse,
begging you, “please can we sleep out at your house?
Don’t worry, we’re leaving early in the morning.
We’ve got a five am ticket, gotta get to the station,

‘cuz our blood is pumped with hydraulic gears
that are powered by anonymous strangers’ ears.”
We’re the Extreme Adventure Band Tour Booking Company:
we’ll book your band’s tour in the craziest countries.
Just remember those rules, and that you’re a visitor.
Go on, have fun, and send us your pictures!